Pilotlocator Services

membersonlypage.gif


A selection of Pilotlocator messages

Currently in no particular order


​Holmfirth Expert Local Location Officers and Pilotlocator Holmfirth Location Expert Guidance Module.

Dear Pilotlocator Subscribers.

To make your visit to Holmfirth more enjoyable and to help you find other members of Rumworth Pilotlocator will be up and running in Holmfirth with its Holmfirth Expert Local Location Officers (HELLOs).

To help the HELLOs Pilotlocator is introducing new technology and will be using the Pilotlocator Holmfirth Location Expert Guidance Module (PHLEGM).  To obtain this new technology Pilotlocator Enterprises went to its backers who were more than willing to cough up what was needed for PHLEGM.

The introduction of new technology is not something to be sneezed at and Pilotlocator hope that over the weekend to be able to smooth over any lumps in PHLEGM.

The Pilotlocator HELLOs will be in Holmfirth from 4:00pm ish and hope to have PHLEGM up and running and freely flowing by the time you need PHLEGM.

To contact a Pilotlocator HELLO please 'phone 07970417945.

Pilotlocator HELLO

Pilotmansion

North of the Mersey.

 

Disclaimer
This message is intended only for the use of the person(s) ("Intended Recipient") to whom it is addressed.  It may contain information which is privileged and confidential (but I doubt it).  Accordingly any dissemination, distribution, copying or other use of this message or any of its content by any person other than the Intended Recipient may constitute a breach of civil or criminal law and is strictly prohibited, though Pilotlocator can not be bothered with any of this nonsense.  If you are not the Intended Recipient, so what.

This e-mail may have been checked for viruses if you are lucky, but no liability is accepted for any damage caused by any virus transmitted by this e-mail.
Communications may be automatically logged, monitored and/or recorded for legal purposes, but probably will not.

You have been sent this email because according to our records you have either requested or agreed to receive information about Pilotlocator, and its associated organisations, products and services, by electronic means.  Then again you might not.

We regret that at this time this offer is NOT available to US and Canadian licence holders but is now available to those south of the Mersey. 

Pilotlocator reserves the right to make changes to services at any time and without notice.

* This offer is valid until 12th May 2013. 

 

We want you to be sure this is a genuine Pilotlocator email. 

For your peace of mind, we will never include your postcode at the top of any email from Pilotlocator*.

 

You can also reassure yourself that this email does not request any confidential details or security information such as position you dance in or instrument you play. We will never request confidential information by email.

 

*It is far too much trouble to include your post code.

 


London Practice Weekend and Piloterton Service

Dear Pilotlocater Subscribers,
Because of the nature of the area visiting and the groups to be dealt with, i.e. The Isleworth Posse, The Brentford Mob and the Bandit Country Boys, the Pilotlocator Service has brought in Pinkerton as consultative advisors.  Pinkerton as an organisation has many years experience of dealing with such groups.  Following the consultative period it has been decided to form a joint venture enterprise called Piloterton.

There are two numbers on which Piloterton Operatives can be contacted.

07720420384 or the original Pilotlocator number 07970417945  The second number will probably only be of use after 19:00

The Piloterton Operatives, or as they are commonly known, Pilotertons, will do their upmost best to help any of the above groups or individuals from the above groups.  However, Piloterton would like to remind you that we still suffer technical difficulties during the late evening and during the night.  Piloterton believe that these problems may be due to atmospheric problems.

Pilotlocator
Chief Piloterton Operative
Piloterton

UK Disclaimer:
This e-mail is confidential to the intended recipient. If you have received it in error, please do not notify the sender and do with it what you want. Any unauthorised use, disclosure, or copying of the email Piloterton do not care. This e-mail may have been checked for viruses if you are lucky, but no liability is accepted for any damage caused by any virus transmitted by this e-mail.
Communications may be automatically logged, monitored and/or recorded for legal purposes, but probably will not.

 


​Pilotlocator at Chingford

Dear Pilotlocator Subscribers,
For Rumworth's visit to Chingford and the flesh pots of the South Pilotlocator will be running its Chingford Anniversary Rumworth Notifying Actual Location (CARNAL) service.

The Pilotlocator CARNAL specialists have the knowledge to provide you with a hands on service that will satisfy your desires and heighten your pleasure over the weekend.

To use the service please 'phone 07970417945.  Please make sure you are not out of breath before calling this number as it could lead to an embarrassing misunderstanding of the purpose of the call.

The Pilotlocator CARNAL specialist will be in Chingford late afternoon on Friday.

Pilotlocator Services

 


Upgraded Pilotlocator, PilotTicket and Pilotcamper Service

 

Dear Rumworthownians,
After receiving comments that the Pilotlocator service and its subsidiaries need to be more technology aware the service is now iPilotlocator.  I hope you enjoy the new service designed by Lemmon.

The iPilotlocator EFFiNGs (Ely Folk Festival i Nominated Guides) will be at the campsite between 15:00 and 16:00.  Campers who arrive between these times, if you come to the campsite and ring the iPilotlocator number then an EFFiNG will bring your tent pass and wristband(s) to you.

After 16:00 the EFFiNGs will be in Ely from about 16:30 and will try to be in one of two pubs near parking. (Could not find a nice cosy tea shop).

The pubs are the Prince Albert - park in Barton Road car park.  The Royal Standard - park in Forehill car park.  When getting near to Ely ring the iPilotlocator number to check where the EFFiNGs are so you can go to the most suitable car park.

Parking in Ely is apparently free and details can be found by going to www.eastcambs.gov.uk.

After 18:30 the EFFiNGs could be in the West End - park in Burton Road car park.

Can campers please let iPilotlocator know their expected times of arrival; this would then allow the EFFiNGs to better plan there research of meeting places, lunch spots and evening meal places for Rumworth.  A integral part of the iPilotlocator service.

Those not camping, you will need to find the EFFiNGs to get your weekend wristbands, but it is not as urgent as the campers unless you have a real urge to be on the festival site.  Just ring the iPilotlocator number when in Ely.

Campers, your tent passes have come complete with a hole but no string to fasten them to the tent, thus bring a piece of string.

Andrew is going to be a Day Boy, so there is room in the Blue Pavilion for anybody staying out of town and wants to stay overnight on the campsite, contact Day Boy Subletting via one of the EFFiNGs.  Avoids driving.  Also Tony might not be taking up his Blue Pavilion option so there could be room for even one more.  Passes have been bought for 4 persons in the Blue Pavilion so there will be no problem with staying on the campsite.

The iPilotlocator number is 07970417945

Please remember that iPilotlocator wants to make it EFFiNG easy for you and hopes you have an EFFiNG pleasant time in Ely.

Chief EFFiNG
iPilotlocator

Copyright 2010 Lemon Inc. All rights reserved.


Dear Pilotlocator Subscribers,

For Rumworth's visit to London and the (World Famous) Hammersmith Morris Men Pilotlocator will be running its location service and the Pilotlocator Official Location Expert Supervisors (POLES) will be using the Pinpointing Rumworth At Thames Festival Event Local Location Official Widget (Prat Fellow).

Please be aware that for this widget the software is in beta version and the firmware being used for this application is old and has been severely abused, so mistakes are guaranteed.

The Pilotlocator POLES are expecting to be in London by 17:30 and the PRAT FELLOW will be working soon afterwards.

Any dancer or musician needing a POLE the number to call is 07970417945.

There shouldn't be any problems with service connection in London but the PRAT FELLOW is running on Everything Everywhere except where you just happen to be at this particular moment when somebody is trying to contact you.

Chief POLE
Member of the PRAT FELLOW Institute
North of England Branch

Disclaimer
This message is intended only for the use of the person(s) ("Intended Recipient") to whom it is addressed. It may contain information which is privileged and confidential (but I doubt it).  Accordingly any dissemination, distribution, copying or other use of this message or any of its content by any person other than the Intended Recipient may constitute a breach of civil or criminal law and is strictly prohibited, though Pilotlocator can not be bothered with any of this nonsense.  If you are not the Intended Recipient, so what.

 


Pilotlocator LIBOR

Dear Pilotlocator Subscribers,
For Rumworth's up and coming visit to Buxton Pilotlocator will be running its Locating In Buxton Other Rumworthownians (LIBOR) service.

This is an improved service using integrated third-generation capability with optimal organisational flexibility to deliver functional logistical options for synchronised transitional mobility enabling overall incremental concept implementation covering systemised reciprocal projection.

Pilotlocator can ensure our subscribers that our LIBOR is regulated by The Office of Buxton Area Localised Location Services (OFBALLS).  If you have any complaints then you can go and discuss this with OFBALLS.

To use the Pilotlocator LIBOR please ring 07970417945.

We would like to warn our new subscribers that we are still suffering the technical difficulties that tend to downgrade the service as the day progresses, especially into the evening.  We have tried to overcome these problems by using parallel digital programming combined with a responsive monitored time-phase systemised management concept including optimal policy capability embracing functional incremental options.

The Pilotlocator LIBOR agents will be in Buxton from Saturday morning.

Ensuring you at all times of our balanced third-generation concept responsive support.

Pilotlocator Services.

Supporters of clear English.

 


one from November 2011

 

Dear Rumworthownians,

The Pilotlocator Positioning Of Other Rumworthownians (POOR) Service will be operating this weekend.

To make use of the POOR Service please 'phone 07970417945.

The POOR Service has been commissioned by Pilot, Armitage and White Event Organisers for the Saturday Night Drink - Indian - Drink Spectacular.  If you want to avoid the Indian but join us for a few, or even many, drinks then you are most welcome and can use the POOR Service to locate us.  Please note that due to changing conditions throughout the evening the service will probably deteriorate.

I would also like to make you aware that due to personal experience throughout the weekend I will be extolling the virtues of Dryer Balls.

Pilotman.

 


​Pilotlocator Wedding Service

On this joyous occasion of Jameson's and Emma's wedding I would like to consider all Pilotlocator Subscribers as one big happy family, the Pilotlocator Family.

Pilotlocator will be providing a service to guide you to the location of Rumworth and this Marriage Guidance Counselling will be provided by expert councillors.  Pilotlocator will have Jameson & Emma's Wedding Event Location Supervisors (JEWELS) available from Friday Afternoon.  Pilotlocator would like you to consider them as the Pilotlocator Family JEWELS.

If you want to get in touch with the Pilotlocator Family JEWELS please 'phone 07970417945.

Pilotlocator intends to be at the camping site at 17:30 so that the Pilotlocator Family JEWELS can have the erection and occupancy of The Blue Pavilion finished as soon as possible.

After this time we might explore the local hostelries until food is ready at 19:30.  We will probably then frequent the honesty bar; honest.

Big Family JEWELS,

Pilotlocator Marriage Guidance Counselling,

Pilotlocator Services.

 

Confidentiality Notice: The contents of this email and any attachments are confidential. Access to this communication by anyone other than the intended recipient is unauthorised. If you are not the intended recipient, please notify us immediately, destroy all copies of the communication and do not copy, disclose or otherwise act upon any part of it. Unless the contrary is clear from its context, this communication does not create or modify any contract. This communication may contain personal data. If so, you are required to observe the provisions of any relevant data protection legislation in any processing of such data. Security Warning: Internet communications are not guaranteed to be secure or virus free. No responsibility is accepted for any loss arising from unauthorised access to, or interference with, any internet communications by any third party or from the transmission of any viruses. Pilotlocator is not registered in England andWales.

 

 


​Pilotlocator Going Green

 

Dear Rumworthownians,
Because of the hydrocarbon fuel intensive transport devices we will be using to travel to Antwerp giving Rumworth a large carbon clog print Pilotlocator is going green.
Therefore to access the usual Pilotlocator Rumworth Tour facilities please 'phone Linda Green on 07840 913785 
Pilotlocator can assure you that our foreign location service will be as efficient and helpful as the normal English service and is just as customer facing with English speaking European Location Facilitators (ELF).

Chief ELF
Pilotlocator.

Disclaimer
This message is intended only for the use of the person(s) ("Intended Recipient") to whom it is addressed. It may contain information which is privileged and confidential (but I doubt it).  Accordingly any dissemination, distribution, copying or other use of this message or any of its content by any person other than the Intended Recipient may constitute a breach of civil or criminal law (both English and European) and is strictly prohibited, though Pilotlocator can not be bothered with any of this nonsense.  If you are not the Intended Recipient, so what.

 

 


PAN OFF OR ELSE

Dear Pilotlocator Subscribers,

For our upcoming olfactiive event at Newant Pilotlocator will be offering its freshly grown prize winning Pilotlacator At Newent Onion Fair Finding Other Rumworthownians Expedient Location Sourcing Experts (PAN OFF OR ELSE).  This service will be obtainable by 'phoning 07970417945.

However, if you want the parking key service then 'phone 07980 611956.

If you have trouble contacting PAN OFF OR ELSE please keep trying.  PAN OFF OR ELSE understands that your call is important to you but ELSEs can not be bothered, they have better things to do like checking the quality of the local drinking fluid.

If you develop an interest in onions then you might like to visit this museum.

http://www.vidaliaonion.org/about_us/vidalia_onion_museum

PAN OFF OR ELSE
A Subsidiary of Pilotlocator

 


​Pilotlocator MUG UP and CRAM Service

Dear Rumworth Members,

As usual Pilotlocator will be offering a service to enable Rumworth members to find each other whilst visiting Moulton.  It should not be difficult to find Rumworth as there are only two decent pubs in Moulton, The Artichoke in Church Street and the Telegraph in West Street.  On Friday night the Pilotlocator team will most likely be in the Telegraph.

However; to enable you to contact Rumworth there will be the Members Updating Group Unified Position and Contacting Rumworth At Moulton (MUG UP and CRAM) service.  To use this service you will have to have knowledge of the number to use so please learn the following.  07970417945.

It is expected that there will be technical difficulties with this service as it is running on Everything Everywhere Except in Moulten!  So please be sure to learn the names and locations of the two possible pubs.

For those driving in on Saturday there may be parking available of Pound Street, which is opposite the Telegraph Pub.  This is where in the past campers have been asked to park after unloading gear at the primary school.  It is marked as a private car park but you should be OK.

Pilotlocator.

 


​Pilotlocator REHAB CENTRErum

Dear Pilotlocator Subscribers,

For the Holmfirth Festival of Folk there will be a Pilotlocator service allowing you to contact other Rumworth Members to ascertain their current position within Holmfirth.

The Rumworth Experiencing Holmfirth's Atmosphere and Beers Coordination Enterprise Notifying Terrestrial Region Experts (REHAB CENTRE) will be open for assisting you from about 4:30pm after the Blue Pavilion has been erected close to convenient bush facilities.

If you use the REHAB CENTRE Pilotlocator and all its subsidiaries promise you that we will not go into a coalition with any other location service.  Also while not reducing the quality of service we will drastically cut our costs of operation and only serve genuine members of Rumworth.  Members from other teams will not be allowed to claim any service from the Pilotlocator REHAB CENTRE.

To use the REHAB CENTRE please 'phone 07970417945.  Please note that we have not yet been able to correct the technical problem that leads to a degradation of service as the evening progresses.

Pilotman
REHAB CENTRE
Part of the Pilotlocator Group.

 


That EFFING Pilotlocator Service Again

Dear Pilotlocator Subscribers,

For Rumworth's visit to Ely the Ely Folk Festival Impeccably Nominated Guides (EFFING) Location Service, as during our last visit to Ely Folk Festival, will be up and running.

If you wish to use the EFFING Location Service please 'phone 07970417945.

The EFFING Location Service will have an EFFING Chief and the potential for EFFING Juniors.  If you wish to become an EFFING Junior then you will have to take the EFFING Training Course to become EFFING SQEP (Ely Folk Festival Impeccably Nominated Guide Suitable, Qualified and Experienced Person).

The EFFING Service will probably be up and running from 16:00 though no actual plans for EFFING arrival have been currently made.  If there are any changes to the EFFING start of service time you will be sent an EFFING email to confirm changes. 

To get a map of the pubs in Ely use this link.  ely.org.uk/pubmap.htm

The EFFING Chief will probably try the Kings Arms and the Town House pubs as suggested by Peter and for no other reason

than to give an EFFING good service to Pilotlocator Subscribers will also try a few of the other pubs in ELY.

EFFING Chief
​Pilotlocator Location Services
​Pilotmansions.

 


​Pilotlocator RASCAL

Dear Pilotlocator Subscribers,

To help you in finding other Rumworth members in Shrewsbury Pilotlocator will be introducing its new innovative ground braking Rumworth At Shrewsbury Confirming Actual Location (RASCAL) service.

Pilotlocator promises to deliver the service with the appropriate level of charming mischief that is expected from RASCAL.

To avail yourself of this service all you have to do is 'phone 07970417945 and leave the rest to the cheeky chaps that are RASCAL, but not before 16:30 at the earliest.

On Friday night the lucky pub that has been selected to host Rumworth is The Loggerheads, 1 Church St, Shrewsbury SY1 1UG.

If RASCAL works with the correct level of charming mischief then you will be at Loggerheads with RASCAL.  On the other hand if not, then you will be at loggerheads with RASCAL.

It is probable that not all Rumworth Members will always be at Loggerheads with there being a requirement for food.  Also The Loggerheads may have changed since being inspected and assessed by the cheeky RASCAL inspectors. If that is the case then we could be elsewhere.  Please avail yourself of RASCAL if that is the case.

RASCAL Chief
​PilotRASCAL (Part of the Pilotlocator Group)
Pilot Mansions
Occupied Lancashire.

 


EuroPilotlocator

Dear EuroPilotlocator Members,

For Rumworth's visit to Dunkirk EuroPilotlocator will be employing Finding Rumworth Overseas Geographical Superior Local Expert Guide Specialists (FROGS LEGS).  These FROGS LEGS will be located in the Geographical Area Rumworth Location Information Centre (GARLIC).  To get your FROGS LEGS in GARLIC please telephone +447970417945.

We can assure you a level of service commensurate with the country you are visiting.

If you are unhappy with the level of service given then contact the Service Not Achieving Indicated Level of Support (SNAILS).  We hope that you will not need FROGS LEGS in GARLIC with SNAILS.

Pilotman
​EuroPilotlocator
Europe
 

Any reinforcing of national stereotypes within this email is purely intended.

 


Pilotlocator DRAGON Service

Dear Pilotlocator Members,

It is with great pleasure that we welcome new members to the eternally popular Pilotlocator Services and we hope to please the new members in exactly the same way we have pleased our existing members in the past for many events.  In the past Pilotlocator services have provided a consistent and unique level of service to its members.

For the Day for St. George event at Horwich we have introduced the Determining Rumworth Actual Geographical Orientation Notification (DRAGON) service.

If you need to use DRAGON then please ring 07970417945.  You will receive a fiery response to your request to enable you to hot foot it to the informed location.  (This part to be read quickly. Pilotlocator DRAGON service cannot be held responsible for directing you to the wrong destination and the use of the DRAGON service is done entirely at your own risk.)

The DRAGON service guarantees a trouble free friendly service (see terms and conditions, clause 18900.04.34 sub paragraph 29, for definition of trouble free) though we must warn our new members that there could be similar technical problems to those that have been experienced in the past on other Pilotlocator services.  However we are not anticipating the usual technical problems that in the past have only occurred during the evening.

DRAGON understand that your call is important to you but DRAGON do not really care.

Pilotlocator Services
​Pilotmansion
Occupied Lancashire

 


Pilotlocator TripAdvisor Service

Dear Pilotlocator Members

Pilotlocator will be using its very popular Todmorden Rumworth Informing Position Advisor (TripAdvisor) service.  This service should not be mistaken for other copyright breaking services using the same name.

By using this service we can guarantee that you will be able to enjoy your best Rumworth trip, every Rumworth trip.

TripAdvisor, headquartered in Culcheth, Warrington.[1] is the largest Rumworth advisory service in the world, with in excess of 10 members and over 170 million opinions of Rumworth related issues. Pilotlocator Group operates many advisory brands including TripAdvisor, EFFING, LIBOR, BUTLER, REHAB CENTRE, RASCAL, PAN OFF OR ELSE,[4] MUG UP, FROGS LEGS in GARLIC.

To contact TripAdvisor please call our advisory line on 07970417945 for expert assistance.

 

Call Recording and Monitoring.

Please be aware that calls to and from TripAdvisor may be recorded. We may use the call recordings to monitor our customer service for quality or compliance purposes, to check the accuracy of the information you provide us, for fraud prevention purposes, to provide training to our staff or just so we can have a good laugh at your expense. We will retain the call recordings for as long as unreasonably necessary to perform such activities and then delete them or keep them for a good laugh. Any personal information obtained from you during the call will be treated in accordance with the amount of alcohol we have consumed.

 


Pilotlocator BFG

Dear Rumworth Members,

This weekend Pilotlocator will be providing its Beverley Festival Guide (BFG).  The aim of BFG is to provide big friendly guidance to Rumworth members about the location of other Rumworth members whilst at Beverley.  (Unless your name is Haydn when BFG, in good Pilotlocator fashion, will just ignore your calls).

To avail yourself of this big friendly guidance just call or text 07970417945.

BFG will be at the festival in the afternoon after putting up the Blue Pavilion.

Pilotlocator Services
Blue Pavilion
Beverly Race Course.


Pilotlocator Crown Jewels

Dear Pilotlocator Subscribers,

HRM has issued a warrant to Pilotlocator for the provision of the Confirming Rumworth Official Windsor Normalised Justified Exact Weekend Exiting Location Service (CROWN JEWELS) dated for operations on the Thirteenth day of May in the year of our Lord 2016 up to and including the Fifteenth day of May in the year of our Lord 2016.

To avail yourself of this service please telephone 07970417945.

CROWN JEWELS

With Rumworth Consent

Warrant Issued on the Tenth day of May in the Year of our Lord 2016

Provided by Pilotlocator Services by Appointment to Rumworth Morris

 


Pilotlocator Ruby Locating Service

Dear Pilotlocator Subscribers,

For Rumworth's 40th Anniversary Pilotlocator will be providing a special Ruby Locating Service.

To avail yourself of this service just phone the special Ruby number 07970417945

Ruby-40th-Anniversary-Party-Invitation-300x300.jpg

 

 


Piltlocator BUTLER Service

Dear Pilotlocator Subscriber,

For the Rumworth practice weekend in Burton upon Trent Pilotlocator has organised the Burton upon Trent Locating Each Rumworthownian (BUTLER).  The BUTLER is being brought out of retirement and will be on hand to respond in a low-key manner to your requests for locating other members of Rumworth. To avail yourself of this silver service please use a telephonic communication device to telephone the following number.

07970417945

The BUTLER should be available from 4:30pm.

However, it is the nature of such telephonic communication techniques that later in the evening there could be some technical problems.  Please be assured that BUTLER understand that your telephonic communication is important to you but BUTLER couldn't give an under foot man.

Pilotlocator Location Services
Somewhere


TOP SECRET - FOR YOUR EYES ONLY

Dear Pilotlocator Members,

The Suffolk by Pete Young Members Information June (SPY MI6) agents will be operative within the identified area of activity from about 19:00 hours on Friday 16th June 2017.

To contact an agent of SPY MI6 please phone the following top secret number.  07970417945.

If you forget the number the quickest way to obtain it is to ring Donald Trump, tell him you are Russian and he will give you the number without any further questions or need of identification.

The activity of the SPY MI6 agents is overseen by GCHQ (Geographical Confirmation Holistic Quango) for correct and lawful implementation of SPY MI6 operations in accordance with the European Human Rights Legislation (for now but might not be later).

P

SPY MI6

Pilotlocator Services

TOP SECRET - FOR YOUR EYES ONLY


SPITTING Pilotlocator

Dear Pilotlocator Subscribers,

For Rumworth's visit to Sheffield Pilotlocator Services will be introducing the Sheffield Pilotlocator Informing Teams Terrestrial Information Normalised Geographically (SPITTING) service. 

The information provided will be classified into three quality ratings of White, Green and Yellow. Hopefully the quality will be White SPITTING but it does have a fluid nature and will probably deteriorate through Green SPITTING and end up as poor quality Yellow SPITTING, becoming less fluid through the ratings.

The objective of the SPITTING service is to provide Rumworth team members with information about the teams location so that they can become within visual range of the other team members; the SPITTING distance i.e. they become within SPITTING distance. 

If you are in need of SPITTING please phone 07970417945 after 19:00 hours on Friday.  Trying to get SPITTING before this time will result in a dry response. 

Here at Pilotlocator Services we are always striving to improve our public image.  Therefore please let us know of any ideas that could improve our SPITTING image.

 

Chief Gobber
Pilotlocator Services 
Pilotmansion
Occupied Lancashire 


WALLYs Delivering RAW PASSION

Dear Pilotlocator Members,

Pilotlocator Services has been successful in obtaining its TPO Licence (Trans Pennine Operating Licence) for one week of operation from 19 August to 25 August. 

Therefore Pilotlocator Services are proud to announce it will be providing RAW PASSION (Rumworth At Whitby Position Advisory Service Specialising In Ordnance Navigation).

Pilotlocator Services will be employing WALLYs (Whitby Advisor Local Location Yokels) to provide the RAW PASSION. If you feel you have the ability to be a WALLY and to provide RAW PASSION then please contact Pilotlocator Services. No interviews are required; appointments will be based on the previous experience of PAT (Pilotlocator Assessment Team). 

If you want RAW PASSION and feel you need a WALLY then contact the service using the following number

07970417945. 

WARNING

The Services provided by Pilotlocator have normally only been provided for a weekend. A week long provision may be more than the technology employed by Pilotlocator Services is able to cope with. We would thus like to apologise in advance of any failures to connect with individuals or have knowledge of Rumworth's location. Please see the terms and conditions clause 85, subclause 250, paragraph 90, sub paragraph 4, section 67, sub section 10, item 5 for the limitation of RAW PASSION's liability. 

Chief WALLY
RAW PASSION
A Subsidiary of Pilotlocator Services
Pilot Mansion
Occupied Lancashire 
 
 Disclaimer
This message is intended only for the use of the person(s) ("Intended Recipient") to whom it is addressed.  It may contain information which is privileged and confidential (but I doubt it).  Accordingly any dissemination, distribution, copying or other use of this message or any of its content by any person other than the Intended Recipient may constitute a breach of civil or criminal law and is strictly prohibited, though Pilotlocator can not be bothered with any of this nonsense.  If you are not the Intended Recipient, so what.
This e-mail may have been checked for viruses if you are lucky, but no liability is accepted for any damage caused by any virus transmitted by this e-mail.
Communications may be automatically logged, monitored and/or recorded for legal purposes, but probably will not.
You have been sent this email because according to our records you have either requested or agreed to receive information about Pilotlocator, and its associated organisations, products and services, by electronic means.  Then again you might not.
We regret that at this time this offer is NOT available to US and Canadian licence holders but is now available to those south of the Mersey. 
Pilotlocator reserves the right to make changes to services at any time and without notice.
We want you to be sure this is a genuine Pilotlocator email. 
For your peace of mind, we will never include your postcode at the top of any email from Pilotlocator*.
 
You can also reassure yourself that this email does not request any confidential details or security information such as position you dance in or instrument you play. We will never request confidential information by email.
 
*It is far too much trouble to include your post code.